In his dehydrated state Allen’s arms were dry and scaly. His lips were cracked and bloody. Walking required the assistance of a cane. His voice was slightly above a whisper. He cherished every visit from hospital staff.
I asked him, Are you eager to get home?
His answer was deeply sad. When I go home I’ll go home to nobody and nothing. I have no neighbors or family. You may not believe this, but I had a phone installed last month. I thought somebody might call my number by mistake. I would hear another voice and maybe we could have a conversation.
Allen was the loneliest man I had met at that point.
Arlene was in room 219. She didn’t appear to be ill. She talked non-stop for 20 minutes. The head nurse saw the puzzled look on my face when I left here room. You poor boy! Arlene captured you. She comes into the hospital over every holiday. She lives alone in a downtown tenement. We are her only family,
Allen and Arlene were suffering from chronic loneliness. This has tragic consequences physically, psychologically, and mentally.
Jessica Lahey suggested that thousands of dollars could be saved if seniors had a friend to share a story and a cup of tea. She has a point.
I delivered Meals on Wheels for a year. The most common complaint was I am so lonely. The same complaint was expressed in the bereavement support I conducted for 30 years.
James Lynch, in his ground breaking research, wrote a book called A Cry Unheard-Medical Consequences of Loneliness. Medical schools used it as a text for 20 years. Researchers in the U. K. are publishing similar studies. Some have given antidotes for chronic loneliness. You may find them helpful.
- Understand loneliness and its causes.
- Decide that loneliness will not dominate your life.
- Engage in activities that put you in touch with the same people weekly.
- Join an exercise class appropriate for you ability.
- Refuse to engage in “stinking thinking” better known as self-pity. It leads you down a freeway with few exits.
- Admit your loneliness and put the above ideas in